Horror Art Online: Warnock's Dilemma
by ultraatari
Summary: Everyone's side hoe waifu Sinon finally shows up but apparently was there the whole time.


Kirito and Asuna both sign in and Asuna still is not happy about what she saw back there in the swamp cave.

"Honestly I don't even know why I bother playing this game..."

"Hey, at least it's not pressuring us into buying a bunch of crap while proclaiming to be free. Or a bunch of nasal ass moderators banning us for one dumb reason or another."

"...Ok true but I SAW A GIANT SNAKE WITH TITS KIRITO! A big tittied snake that ate a baby pig alive!"

'Geez rub it in why don'tcha? Girls get all the breaks..."

"I...you...I'm setting my relationship status to single on Facebook."

All of a sudden both Kirito and Asuna get shot at. Asuna in the back, Kirito in his shoulder. It feels excruciatingly painful and both take quite a bit of damage.

"Ow! I thought there were no monsters in the hookah lounge?!"

Asuna closes her eyes and is aggravated.

"It must be some troll on the server. See Kirito? This is why you gotta reportfag once in a while..."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you thot..."

They both look over and it's Sinon. Dual wielding pistols with sunglasses on and holding the guns with her legs up over her head Filthy Frank style.

Kirito looks over at Asuna

"I haven't seen that pose in a long time..."

"Shut it."

Sinon walks up to them and Sinon pistol whips Kirito right in the head.

"Ow! Jesus Sinon what's gotten into you?!"

"What's gotten into me? What's gotten into you two?! Ignoring me this entire time!"

Asuna interjects "Sinon what are you talking about? This is the first time we've ever seen you in-game."

"See, it's that kind of shit right there I'm talking about. This game is really weird man! I got into this heated argument with another player right? So I reported him. Next thing I know I can't contact ANYONE. Whenever I speak to them it's like they can't even hear me. Obviously can't see me either. But I notice I can interact with the world itself. So I've been following you guys for a while now. Attacking players never worked before. I'd shoot them, and it would just go right through them."

"Maybe it was some sort of glitch?"

"A glitch that lasted for a good week? A glitch that only triggered immediately after reporting another player and stayed in effect until I just happen to be in the presence of someone who mentioned reporting?"

Asuna gets an annoyed look on her face.

"You fucking shot me!"

"Your skill level raises the more you use your weapon scrub! Read the God damn text boxes!"

Kirito waves his hands.

"Wait Wait Wait...so lemme get this straight. You think that the developers of this game purposely encoded some sort of self report trap that whenever a player reports someone they only report and punish themselves?"

"Huh... I didn't even think of that."

"Well I mean think about it Sinon. You reported that other player and what did you think was gonna happen? You expected or at least hoped he'd be banned for a day? A week? Forever? Unable to communicate or interact with everyone else on this server over whatever stupid slight he did to you? It's kind of a poetic justice."

Asuna's eyes bulge out and she yells at Kirito.

"That's not poetic justice that's...Jigsaw shit! This game is SAW!!!"

Sinon looks away disappointed.

"It started going down hill after the second arc..."

Kirito mumbles to himself "yeah there's totally know way WE could ever relate to that..."

"What did you say Kirito?"

"Nothing nothing. Look this isn't sword art guys. Noone is in any danger here. In fact it sounds to me the developer has gone to great lengths to give us free reign and autonomy not just in the game world but how we feel about ourselves and our interactions. So he's like good guy Saw!"

Asuna slams her hand on the table.

"That's such a fucking copout Kirito! There's no such thing as good guy Saw! Playing with people's emotions and perceptions of reality to teach them life lessons is not good guy material! That's Charles Manson!"

"Heeey. He made some good music in the 90s..."

"I...I... you know what? Fuck it. Imma report both of you. How bout that?"

Asuna brings up her command tap and presses report and types in both Kirito and Sinons's names and clicks ok. She crosses her arms confidently and goes on a lecture laughing to herself proudly and Sinon and Kirito just look at her confused.

"I see her lips moving Kirito but Asuna isn't saying anything..."

"See? Poetic justice. You try to silence those you disagree with and what are you left with? Obviously if Asuna wants to just hear herself talk well...now she can."

They can't hear Asuna but Asuna can totally hear them and starts yelling at them and flailing her arms but they just shake their heads as they still can't hear her.

"How long do you think she'll stay like this?"

"Hopefully forever..."

Asuna jabs Kirito right in the eye with her rapier.


End file.
